Like remember old times you wish you could go back to. More of a depressing feeling of nostalgia. This song has an almost nostalgic feeling to it. just another weirdly vivid story and vision to go along with this song i suppose The combination of excitement at seeing her and discomfort at being out of my comfort zone at a party i think has forever entwined this song and that experience. i sat next to her and talked about music and got her number, all while this song played in my head. the sun was setting and the girl i'd come to see was so pretty i could barely look at her. i remember feeling vaguely melancholy since a few friends had just graduated and i wouldn't be seeing them as much anymore. one of them kicked it over a fence and had to jump it to get it back. we stood in the backyard waiting for our food and talking among ourselves and our small circle of friends that showed up, watching as a couple of friends kick a comically small soccer ball around. during that time, i went to a house party after the semester ended just for the chance to hang out with a girl i had a thing for. There was a period of my life last year where this song was stuck in my head for a month. and honestly? I fucking wish I was never homeschooled. I'm glad to know there are people that kinda have similar experiences, but I still feel completely alone in my experience. I remember a few weeks ago in gym class we were playing some game that everyone else supposedly played way back in elementary school, and I got yelled at for misinterpreting one of the rules and it made me feel like a complete and utter fucking idiot. it feels like I'm an alien trying to fit in with humans and mostly succeeding, but not enough to satisfy me. like everyone else is 100 steps ahead of me, and they just expect me to know things that everyone else knows, but I'm the sole freak that doesn't know anything. sure, I have friends now, and so far I've been doing well with my grades, but it still feels completely and utterly empty.
![space funeral 4 blood red version space funeral 4 blood red version](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/12/b1/2d/12b12deb3ef09272d0adab1deea8af52.jpg)
I just feel a sort of empty longing for what normal people consider a big part of the public school experience. that's not the part that's affecting my mental health though, at least not the main part. problem is, I'm 16, and because this is the first time I'm doing any sort of public schooling, they held me back a few years. I was homeschooled for most of my life until this year, when I finally went to a public high school. I swear to God, every time I come back to this video and read this comment I relate to it more than when I last read it.